have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
