I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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