he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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