People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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