please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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