I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize