i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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