Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
