thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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