You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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