I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
