First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize