Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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