sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
