Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
