You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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