i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
