I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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