Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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