I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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