6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
