I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
