Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
