I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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