my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
