When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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