then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
