i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
