I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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