Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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