No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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