i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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