if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
