You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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