**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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