you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
