I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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