We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's official drugs can't kill me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
