The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
