babies were throwing up all over the place
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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