I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
