I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
