I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
