Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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