A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
