What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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