I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
