i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
