help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
