proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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