There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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