What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
