I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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