the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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