I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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