none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize