fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
