my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
