so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
