Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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