how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
